If you find yourself making the decision to separate or if you have separated, or have made a decision to divorce, you may be thinking about where to start and what to do next.
There will be lots of things to think about. In this blog we consider our top tips when if you are separating / going through a divorce.
There are a number of emotional, practical and legal considerations in the early stages of your separation. Here are our insights and tops tips:
Be Kind to Yourself
The breakdown of a relationship is akin to bereavement. When you separate you will find yourself within the stages of the Grief Cycle; denial/shock, anger, bargaining, depression/sadness and finally, acceptance. You may not feel them in order, you may bounce between them, it will take time to process what is happening and feel in control of your emotions. It’s important to be kind to yourself and put your own oxygen mask on first.
You may have made the decision to separate or be coming to terms with your partner making the decision, and so you may find yourself in different stages of the cycle at different times. Managing those conflicting emotions can be difficult. Think about
- how you are feeling emotionally;
- what support you might need and what will work best for you – whether that’s talking to trusted friends and family, seeking support from a therapist or a divorce consultant.
- consider setting some boundaries to allow each other the space you need to process what is happening, before deciding next steps
You may also need to think about how you will communicate effectively during this time to help keep conflict to a minimum.
Keep your Children Front and Centre
The importance of putting your children first and centre of your decision making cannot be understated. Telling them about the separation will be one of the hardest things you have to do. Whilst this shouldn’t be rushed, try also to do it as soon as you have decided the separation will be permanent. Research shows that children of separated parents wish they were told sooner, they knew something was wrong despite their parent’s best efforts to shield them.
Try to agree what your children will be told, keep information age-appropriate and without blame. Be prepared for their questions, give them lots of reassurance. You don’t need to worry having all the answers immediately. However difficult things are and however strained your relationship with your ex is, the information given to your children, what they see and hear really does matter.
Children need to know that however different life is going to be, their parents are doing their best to work together. There is a wealth of resources available to help you reach agreement and navigate parenting apart.
Early Legal Advice
Don’t place pressure on yourself or your ex to make any immediate decisions.
You will have lots of questions.
Early legal advice from a specialist family solicitor will equip you with the information/knowledge you need to make decisions that will best work for you and your family and ensure you have the right legal information and support in place.
You should leave any first meeting with a solicitor with a clear understanding of:
- the process options available to you to help you reach agreements;
- the legal landscape;
- what information and documents should be shared between you to ensure you both have a clear financial picture;
- how your finances could be resolved to help you meet your future needs.
- how to approach agreeing the future arrangements for your children and what that might look like in your specific circumstances;
- your legal options if you are concerned about your safety or the safety/wellbeing of your children;
- access to other professionals to support and advise you.
Early legal advice means you aren’t second guessing, and you have the stepping stones to help you navigate your way through what will be a difficult time.
Finally, Don’t Rush
Take the time you need to find your feet and process what is happening.
NE Family Law is a boutique law firm based in Richmond Upon, but we support mid to HNW individuals and families nationally. You can contact us to discuss how we can support you here.
